Being a mom of 3

  So I became a mom at the age of 20 in 2012, was not planned and I was on the Depo shot but was transitioning to the patch due to side effects.   Needless to say I was young and dumb and didn't see the point in condoms if I was going to spend my life with this man.  I gave birth to a 9 pound 4 ounce boy in November of 2012.  It was not a fun experience and was the scariest time of my life.

  Mostly being young and it being my first pregnancy, the fear of the unknown made it hard to enjoy the beauty of it.  I then had my first miscarriage on June 6th of 2014.  I was still with my ex at the time and we were devastated.  Me more so than him but I look back on that now as the first red flag.

  I had my second miscarriage on January 9th of 2015 but then shortly thereafter was pregnant once again and would carry this one to term.  I gave birth in December of 2015 to a mean chunky 8 pound 6 ounce ish give or take a pound or ounce or two, boy.  The day I went into labor, their dad screamed at me that I was being dramatic and couldn't possibly be in labor but he took me to the hospital anyways.  Red flag number 2, despite all the drinking and other warning signs I was in love and wanted to keep my family together. 

  We end up having to move in with my mom and my stepdad when my now 4 year old was maybe 3 months old.  Lots of bad decisions were made and I let him lead our life.  I was always working since he couldn't hold a job and someone had to support the babies we had.

  I then gave birth to our daughter in March of 2017 and she was my saving grace.  I knew during that pregnancy that I had fallen out of love with their dad and that he clearly did not want this baby girl.  He has an aversion to girl children for some odd reason despite having a daughter from a previous marriage.  Any who,  I kicked him out about 3 months before I went into labor.

  He was never there and never tried to be.  He called me when I was in the hospital but I was in no mood to deal with him.  I got to enjoy my daughter all by myself while my parents thankfully kept my boys for me.  We ended up living with them for about 3 years or so.  Mostly because he had left me in so much debt that I literally could not survive without my parents despite working my ass off.

  They were there for me and still are to this day.  My mom never liked my ex but I wanted my family to be one and my kids to have their dad.  6 whole years of mental and emotional abuse really wakes a person up when they are finally free of it.  I would never wish any kind of abuse on anyone.

  Do I hate my ex? Yes in a way but only because he has been gone from our lives for nearly 4 years and does not attempt to be a father in any way to the children he helped make.  Being a single mother was the hardest journey I have ever undertaken and it really did make me the woman I am today.  I am stronger and more resilient than I ever was.

  However this sort of sad story does have a happy ending.  I met my now fiance in December of 2019 and he is the light of our life.  He loves my children like they are his own and they adore him.  I could not ask for a better father for them.  He shows me everyday what true love really should feel like.

  Sorry for rambling, the words sort of just spilled out.  I said all of that to say this, just because you love someone does not mean they are the best for your physical and mental health.  They can be your down fall.   I am blessed to have left that situation when I did but I do wish I had shielded my children from it better.  I never saw it from their prospective until a couple of years after he was gone.

  My children are now the happiest and healthiest they have ever been.  They are thriving and it brings me so much joy to see them grow each and every day.  I'm gonna end this one here and I hope who ever actually reads this that you have a blessed day.

Much love xoxo